On Reflection...

Happy birthday to me yesterday! I will be writing some of this as if it were yesterday because I wrote it on paper while I was sitting in the doctor’s office for FOUR HOURS. Yes…pen and paper, it is a bit antiquated but hey it works when you don’t yet have a laptop.

Today I am 36 years old and I have plenty of time to reflect on the past year and look ahead to the potential of next year. Many do this in January but I think my birthday is unique to me and I choose to reflect on this date.

Out of character to me I find myself becoming more and more cynical and I don’t like it one bit. Society loves to pigeonhole individuals with labels. If you aren’t cynical in this day in age you are a Pollyanna. I would like to find a happy medium. Hmmm…I’ll have to think about how to find that happy medium.

Today gas is nearing $4 a gallon; you can find $3.47 on a good day. They (I really want to meet they) are predicting it will be $4 by the end of May…good times. With oil and gas companies reporting record breaking profits I can’t help but ask WTF? The companies explain it away as money for future exploration, research and development. Question…isn’t profit…uhm…profit. I would think a company would have an allocation for future R&D taken out of the cost of doing business. I guess I’m wondering why no one is asking THE RIGHT questions. They did a dog and pony show in front of Congress and I just think that was for the American people to ‘act’ like something was being done about it. My cynical side says of course gov.t isn’t doing anything; they have their dirty little fingers in that profit pot, allegedly.

The United States is at war with Iraq and Afghanistan for just over five years now. The media is reporting that we are making progress. I can only go on what they report. Honestly I am not really sure how things are going. I only hope and pray our men and women fighting over there are doing so for a good cause and the end is sooner rather later.

2008 is an election year. The Republican nominee is John McCain and the Democrats Barrack Obama and Hilary Clinton are duking it out for the democratic nomination. It is so not pretty. A couple of obvious observations Barrack is a black man and Hilary is a woman. Neither race nor gender has before been a viable candidate for President. My take, I don’t think the world is ready for either a black man or a woman as President of the US. The race card is already being thrown down and ‘whitey’ still keeping the black man down. Hilary is promoting a socialist economy and let us just ask Canada and France how that is going for them. This country is starving for a new direction. Obama is attempting to capitalize on that platform but he is not really telling us HOW he is willing to change direction and it sounds like he says and does he needs to do to get elected. I vote we CLEAN house. Everyone out…and start over. That’s laughable I know but with special interest groups, PACS and the overall corrupt crooks that are sitting in most of the offices now I don’t see anyone stepping up and representing me; thus leading to my cynicism. I may work on a letter to my congressman. Oh…he’s prolly working on becoming client number 10. Can I vote for none of the above in November?

I wrote much more yesterday about stuff going on at work but since then I’ve decided to sit back and sees how it plays out. I had way too much time to think yesterday and my thought process turned personal when it hasn’t really got there yet. The good thing is that I’m prepared if it does. Here’s hoping the next couple of weeks find clarity and balance.

I mentioned earlier I’m sitting in my doctor’s office for my four hour glucose test. That’s a fun way to spend your birthday but necessary. The nurses are very nice and they are sympathetic when they notice it is my birthday. Honestly the time has passed rather quickly. I’ve been reading the new David Baldacci book “The Whole Truth”. It’s interesting but several women brought their kids and I’m having a difficult time concentrating.

I’ll be a new mom for the second time in ~7 weeks. I’m excited and full of anticipation of doing and enjoying the experience this time around, especially since it will be my last. No, I’m not a sadist and looking forward to being up at all hours for feedings but I know, from experience, that it won’t last forever and one day he will be sleeping in a big boy bed, potty trained and eating normal food and asking me how I slept every morning.

My first born is almost four and it is hard to believe I was having much different feelings this time four years ago. I cannot describe how much love I have for this person. It is so much different than the love I feel for my husband and my friends and family. Being a parent has its challenges but the good days and the days we ‘live’ as a family are priceless and I can’t imagine not knowing how that feels. He wished me happy birthday this morning, second thing; only after he asked where Daddy was. That’s ok…you can be a Daddy’s boy, I get dibs on your brother. Last night he and his dad sang me happy birthday and the boy sat on my lap and helped me blow out my candles. He signed his name to my birthday card…it was the best birthday ever…with my boys.

The hubby ran all over town looking for a yellow cake with chocolate icing. Awe…he found a white cake with whipped chocolate icing. VERY YUM-O!! He bought me my book that I have been wanting from Heather Armstrong, we know her as dooce. I already put the book in the mail to her for her to sign. He also bought me a book about raising boys, something for the both of us. One has been challenging and any additional insight I can receive to help with the responsibility of raising a well rounded, productive man in today’s world I will gladly read it, and twice on Sunday.

Inside one of the books I noticed a bookmark, the hubby makes fun of me because I use toilet paper to mark my places in my books, yes I have book marks but toilet paper is so much more convienent and practical. If it’s a tear jerker I don’t have to use my sleeve or pillow case. If I have a runny nose…I’m good to go. I challenge anyone to find a fancy smansy book mark that will provide that service. Anyway, I’m like…look…a book mark thinking how thoughtful and I look at it closer and it is a ticket to the Neil Diamond show coming to Houston in October. Well…it’s a fake ticket since they haven’t gone on sale yet but nonetheless we’re going. HOW FUN!! We both love Neil Diamond, it was a staple in my family growing up and seeing him on American Idol this past week just reminded the hubby and I of all the songs we truly know and love. I’m looking forward to it…I just hope the blue hairs don’t start beating us with their walkers and snickering at us like the kiddies did at our last concert outing. Oh fun…Neil D. just started playing on my iPOD.

My big boy, this year has been mostly good, REALLY bumpy at the end of the year but he makes me so happy. We constantly bring up to each other how we almost weren’t and always ask the each other why we didn’t walk away when we had every reason and opportunity to do so. Because you are my lobster…and it is totally true. We are challenging to each other. Some times are way more challenging than others but we make a point to continuously learn about ourselves and we work at it. Working at our relationship is a lesson we both learned from our first marriages. We keep it interesting and that’s the way it should be.

There hasn’t been any huge development with me over the last year. As I look down at the belly sticking out into my lap I am reminded…yes, another addition to the Wayne family is on its way, that’s pretty significant. Workwise, I had a personal accomplishment with coordinating the ‘perfect flight’ in October with 10A. I really had an opportunity to test my skillz and they proved to be very affective. Now I find myself asking what next, still mulling that one over. The hubby and I continued our quest to learn and cultivate the necessary tools for discussing issues with each other, I learned a little bit more about myself as well. We got a taste of our first family vacation and although challenging it has left me wanting more.

The shows I am watching as of today:
The Bachelor – London Calling
American Idol – 7 season
Hell’s Kitchen
The Office
Grey’s Anatomy
30 Rock
Real World – Hollywood

Yes, I love me some reality shows and yes, I admit my guilty please is the RW. I’ve seen every season since the beginning and yes they are becoming more ridiculous and immature but for whatever reasons it validates that I am so in a good place in my life right now and I wouldn’t trade places for all the money in the world.

I’m blessed and I know it. I have a phenomenal husband and a loving son and looking forward to adding another loving boy to the mix. I love my boys.

Living…it is what I plan on doing more of this upcoming year.

Excerpt from Enya’s “Anywhere Is”

I took the turn and turned to
begin a new beginning
still looking for the answer
I cannot find the finish
It's either this or that way
it's one way or the other
it should be one direction
it could be on reflection
the turn I have just taken
the turn that I was making
I might be just beginning
I might be near the end.

Rock On!